


Heart to Heart (BMCAWT Week #2)

by HeereandThere



Series: BMCA Writing Team Works! [2]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Confrontations, Emotional Baggage, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-03
Updated: 2018-09-03
Packaged: 2019-07-06 09:11:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15883017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeereandThere/pseuds/HeereandThere
Summary: ((PROMPT: Recovery))Mr. Heere's trying his best at being a father now that everything with the squip is resolved, and with that effort, he sets out to find out just what happened to his son during those few life changing months.





	Heart to Heart (BMCAWT Week #2)

The silence was less painstaking now.

Now that Jeremy's hostility was far less in measure and Mr. Heere had a better grip on how to converse with his son, the tension between them had been toned down by quite a bit. There was a newfound mutual respect there that made things significantly more peaceful in the absence of noise. One could speak or remain silent and the other would understand.

That didn't mean that there weren't moments when it got to one of them.

With that very thought in mind, Mr. Heere tapped his fingers anxiously on his knee and stared at the rough concrete path carved in front of the park bench he was sitting on, a path that he knew well that looped around towering trees and wide patches of vivid green grass. He glanced over at Jeremy, whose face was bathed in the golden hue of the nearby streetlights that lit up the bustling night as he took in the sounds of cars zooming past. The teenage boy was curled up at the opposite end of the bench from his father, leaning on the available arm rest to the best of his abilities and occasionally letting his head fall and jerk back up in an exhausted cycle; it was late, and his body was feeling the effects, but Mr. Heere's nerves were keeping him wide awake.

He had been meticulously planning this late-night outing for weeks now, mapping out where they would go and how he would articulate what needed to be said. He eventually settled on the local park that he, Jeremy, and Jeremy's mother, Jennifer had all gone to consistently when their youngest was still, well, younger; it was something familiar, something to allegedly make things easier.

But it was failing at its job.

Mr. Heere was never very adept at utilizing his words, even before Jeremy became so distant, and this was something that couldn't be navigated via lighthearted kidding and dad jokes. He was going to bring up some supremely sensitive subjects that Jeremy had never really confided in him about, and the last thing he wanted was to incite the smallest panic attack, not to even mention the cataclysmic meltdown that could result from this discussion. However, one night's breakdown would be better than the emotional turmoil that he could tell boiled just beneath Jeremy's surface, lurking and lying in wait for future problems to trigger its ascention.

"So..." Mr. Heere began, straightening out of the hunched-over position he had been in. "You ready for school to start back up?"

Jeremy shifted to look at his dad; he was still in a bit of a stupor and blinked to put his world into some more focus. "I guess," he settled on. "I'm not super stoked for it, but I have a feeling this year's gonna be better."

"Good, good! I know things've kind of been rough, but with the way things're going, this year's gonna treat you well." Mr. Heere nudged Jeremy's arm in a reassuring manner, and Jeremy responded with a tired smile.

And there it was again. The silence. Mr. Heere was quick to compensate for the lack of sound.

"How're things going with that little girlfriend of yours?"

"Christine? We're doing okay."

"You knooow... I'd still like to meet her sometime."

"Dad!"

"Well, what're you gonna do? Wait until your wedding to introduce us?"

"DAD!"

"I'm only saying!"

"Well, I wish you wouldn't!"

"Well, let me meet her at your orientation and I'll stop!"

"Promise?"

"Maybe."

"Deal!"

They exchanged a hearty handshake and an affirmative nod to seal the deal like some sort of elite businessmen shaking on a merger or somthing along those lines. Of course, Mr. Heere wasn't going to cease teasing his son, that's what parents did, but he'd let him think he had won for just a little while longer.

It was moments like these that he relished, the times when they could joke around and acknowledge their better terms without any serious consequences. No backlash, no communication barrier. He hoped that they could last forever, and maybe they could, but he had to be the first to knock down the massive wall that still separated them emotionally. There would be no kidding, there would be no small talk; just the imminent discussion that was most assuredly going to be difficult to push through. But someone had to do it.

"Hey, uh... Jeremy?" 

"Yeah, Dad?"

Mr. Heere swallowed hard and steeled himself, straightening his back and putting himself into a pose that asserted more dominance. A more dad-ish pose, one that commanded respect but also showed that he was there to be supportive. "What, um... What happened, you know... Back in August?"

Jeremy sharply inhaled, the muscles in his body tensing and his eyes going wide. He said nothing for a minute as he stared dead ahead at the city street on the opposite end of one of the fields, but when he finally did, his voice was emotionless. "Nothing happened. It was just a rough time."

"Jeremy..." Mr. Heere turned to face him more directly but didn't offer any sort of gentle gesture for fear of pushing him away. "I know it was, but I also know you changed, and not for the better. Something did that to you, and I just want to know what it was so maybe I can help."

Jeremy scoffed, but his eyes filled with panic in an instant. He rose from the bench and looked his father dead in the eyes as he spoke before whirling around and attempting to storm off. "Don't do me any favors."

"Favor-?" Mr. Heere stood in a hurry and bustled after the boy, who continued walking and disregarded the man pursuing him. "Jeremy, I'm your dad! It's my job to take care of you!"

"And you're doing it! Congratulations! I asked and you answered! Now, can we please go home?"

"Please, just talk to me! It doesn't even have to be everything, just something so I can do more than stand idly by while you try to handle it all on your own!" This time, Jeremy didn't acknowledge this with a response and instead quickened his pace as he refused to so much as glance at Mr. Heere. The older of the two realized he was going to have to take matters into his own hands and show Jeremy that he wasn't the lonely mess he had known for months before the whole incident; he was going to be there for him, and there to stay. He stopped and allowed Jeremy to continue to trudge off as he held back.

"That... squip thing." And with that, Jeremy stopped dead in his tracks, mid-step as he very slowly permitted his feet to meet one another again. "You said something about it the night of the play. You weren't joking about it."

"How did you...?"

"Michael told me."

Jeremy forced out a breathy laugh and rolled his eyes. "Of course he did."

"He sort of explained it, but in some technobabble I didn't understand. But I don't need to know all that technical stuff, anyway. I want to hear your side of the story. How come you took it, buddy? What did it do to my little guy?"

"Dad, I stopped being your 'little guy' a long time before I got the squip." He emphasized his point with air quotations he made with his hands. "And I got it because it helped me be cool, be more appealing, be BETTER."

"But what was wrong with you before?"

"Oh, my God, you really weren't paying attention after Mom left, were you? Dad, EVERYTHING was wrong with me. My voice was weird, my face was weird, my body proportions were weird, my anxiety was my worst enemy, I couldn't talk to anyone but Michael without sounding like I was having a brain aneurysm! I sucked! And I needed something to make me... not suck!"

"Jeremiah Heere, you did not 'suck'!"

"But THAT'S coming from a parent's perspective! Besides, you were too busy wallowing in your own self-pity to notice."

Mr. Heere was fully prepared to discipline, but a thought struck him: it didn't matter if the statement was disrespectful, it was true. "I deserved that."

"Damn right, you did."

"Was... Was what happened to me a part of what pushed you to get the squip?"

Jeremy hesitated, but he nodded. "I didn't want that to be MY future, and when you fell apart it was... a lot like I had lost both parents. It was scary because I used to think of you as some sort of invincible tough guy and then suddenly that all came crashing down, even if I didn't believe it as much when everything happened. I also got scared because, um... I felt like I wasn't enough to keep you going. I already felt pretty worthless, and when my own dad stopped caring, that pretty much sealed the deal."

Mr. Heere was at a loss for words; for those few months, he had been so wrapped up in his own issues that he never stopped for very long to consider Jeremy's. They BOTH had their own set of problems that needed tending to, and there was an imbalance of care between them, no matter how uninentional.

Jeremy kept going, unable to stop now that some of the words were finally out. "And then somehow junior year wound up being worse than sophomore BECAUSE everything was going down at home and then I had homework and girls and socialization and Rich to deal with, and it all seems so shallow to think about it now, but when there's almost nobody backing you and literally EVERYONE around you hates your guts, it feels like the end of the world. It feels like you could... you could... and no one would care! Like, if I just decided I was done one day, everything would suddenly get better for anyone who wasn't me.

"... And then Rich came to me about the squip. After play rehearsal. It felt like a Godsend, like the universe was finally paying me back for all the bullshit it put me through. For once in my life, I felt like I was doing something worthwhile, you know? I felt cool, confident. I felt like... well, not like me. And for a while, it was great. People didn't just leave me alone, they ADMIRED me! I was popular...!" He paused and shrugged dejectedly. "And for what? A Tic-Tac that tried to destroy my life? I mean, things are better now, but the road getting here was hard."

"I... Son, I had no idea."

"I didn't expect you to."

"No, I mean, I should have. Like I said, I'm your father, and it's my sole purpose to make sure you're well-cared for and I didn't." Jeremy neither confirmed nor denied this. "I don't ever want you to feel like I don't care about you. You're my top priority, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna let you forget it ever again."

"Dad, you don't have t-"

"Yes, I do. Because you need to know that- don't you dare cringe- I love you more than anything else this world has to offer. If something happened and I lost you, I don't know if I would be able to come back from that. So I'm putting my foot down. My new mission is making sure you don't feel like you're alone... and, well, still making sure you stay alive." He put his hand out again in a very professional manner. "Think you can live with that?"

For a brief moment, Jeremy stood still with his arms tightly crossed, almost as though he were shielding himself. His eyes remained focused on a remarkably uninteresting point on the ground as he milled over the idea in his head, knowing very well that declining wasn't much of an option but still remaining wary for some reason he didn't quite understand. Eventually, he managed to put on a sorrowful smile for compensation and nodded very gently. "Yeah. And, hey, Dad?"

Mr. Heere, whose handshake had been utterly rejected, pulled his hand back slightly awkwardly but watched Jeremy with hopeful eyes. "Yes?"

Jeremy relinquished his inhibitions and rushed forward, burying his face in Mr. Heere's chest and wrapping his arms around him in a tight hug. "I'm so sorry." His voice was muffled, but the words resonated in his dad's ears as he registered what was perspiring before returning the gesture wholeheartedly.

"Me, too, buddy. Me, too."


End file.
